Once a person says Shahada, many things change. For some, it can feel like our whole world has turned upside down and can cause some difficulty with a certain grief over the loss of old traditions. Some new Muslims may not feel sadness, rather a feeling of uncertainty, confusion, or aimlessness when it comes to both old traditions and building new traditions while learning about new holidays.
There may be memories that tug at our heartstrings built on years of special times and happy moments. There’s nothing wrong with being nostalgic, however when certain aspect of being a Muslim convert make you feel as though you lost something, try to mindfully change your perspective. Change can sometimes be difficult. Change isn’t always bad, and you can shift your mindset to battle negative feelings if you struggle with change. Instead of focusing on traditions lost, remember that you have something new to celebrate and experience. In fact, many of the ways you may have celebrated your pre- shahada holidays, you can participate for the Eids including festive décor, family or friend’s gatherings, special meal or special recipes you only prepare during Ramadan or Eid, dressing your best, Eid Prayer and exchanging gifts if you should choose to. You can create new traditions. If you still feel a little nostalgic while the rest of the country celebrates a non-Muslim holiday, you can lift your spirits with alternatives. Example, you may not put-up Christmas tree or light a menorah, but you can still decorate your home in a winter theme. Many lovely secular winter decorations can be found during the holiday season such as snowflakes, snowmen, woody theme, poinsettias, or things that are extra festive.
*A good tip- plan ahead and look for Eid decorations during the winter holiday season, as you may find pretty lights, moons, stars, festive secular dishes, home décor or my personal favorite, anything that SPARKLES!
Living with non-Muslim family or roommates during holidays
There are many cases in which a person chooses to convert to Islam while sharing a home long or short term with non-Muslim family or friends. Clearly in these cases, we can’t expect these individuals to sacrifice their own holidays or traditions because of our choices. In sha’ Allah we pray these loved ones will come to Islam someday. Part of the journey of being Muslim convert in a non-Muslim country is to cope with interfaith interactions as respectfully as possible to all persons involved.
I divorced after being married for 19 years and my daughter was the age of 16. That alone meant that nearly 2 decades of happy family traditions would become completely different for her. I converted to Islam not long after my divorce. In fact, during much of the last year of my marriage, I had been reading Qur’an and learning about Islam. Within months, I changed my life, and by default, changed my daughter’s life with two major events. The last thing I would ever do is to rob her of joy or security and create negative feelings towards Islam for her. I treaded very lightly with certain sudden lifestyle changes to combat any unnecessary anxiety I could’ve caused. That doesn’t mean I didn’t make changes. I made many changes while studying Islam in preparation to convert, that went completely unnoticed to non- Muslims, while other changes I made (and am still making gradually.)
I allow my daughter to put out some secular holiday decorations she wishes. Some years she has put a few things in her bedroom only and other times she likes to decorate shared living spaces. Over the years, the amount of vigor which she decorates completely depends on her mood from year to year. We were secular holiday celebrators and didn’t attend church services so that was not sacrifice for us personally. As time passes and our lives continue to evolve, the old traditions no longer followed, didn’t seem to
matter to her quite as much as when she was younger. We can wander around in our happy memories without grieving them, Still, she and I do live in a multi faith home/family but because we love and respect each other, we find ways to compromise.
Lastly, let’s remember that when we take shahada it’s not just our lives that become affected. Our loved ones didn’t ask for this change and many times, don’t support the decision. Being harsh about changes during a time that can be so incredibly sentimental for family is not the way to share Islam with loved ones. Try to remember that your conversion to Islam could put loved ones in state of fear, sadness, or confusion. They may need our patience as we hope they will be supporting and patient with us. At some point, talking with loved ones about the differences between our holidays and about our differences and similarities of our beliefs about the prophet Jesus; peace be upon him, is a great conversation to have with them when you feel the time is right. What’s important to remember while making traditional changes with family during the holiday season is that there are some things we should not compromise on. We do not “celebrate” Christmas although we may choose to attend a family or gathering. We don’t celebrate the birth of Jesus and we don’t worship Jesus; peace be upon him. Please don’t allow anyone to pressure you into praying a non-Muslim prayer or service. If you don’t have to compromise on anything when it comes to Hannukah, Christmas or any other non-Muslim holiday, that’s great, you can focus completely on building special traditions for Muslim holidays! For those still navigating this journey in choppy waters, I hope this helps.